Here at Citizen:Earth, we know what it’s like to have a family full of diverse ideologies and opinions. Especially after the election, it’s important that conversations with your family members stay productive and positive. We hope that both sides will be able to communicate effectively and come to a mutual respect and understanding. With that in mind, here are some tips for holiday conversation for both sides of the aisle:
If you are a liberal talking to conservative family members:
- Do not stop talking about how amazing a president Barack Obama is and how much you will miss him, emphasizing that he is "probably the best of the modern presidents, if not the best period". Whenever they come back with anything specific that they didn’t like about him, say “wow, good to know how much of a racist you are!”
- Talk about how your higher education has taught you to look for unbiased sources such as CNN, MSNBC, NPR, and The NY Times when making sound decisions.
- Be sure to remind them that although they might not be racist, racism was “not a deal breaker” for them, and that pretty much makes them a racist.
- If you are a female, make sure to let everyone know that they can feel free to grab you in the genitals, because that’s basically okay now.
- Loudly assert that “America IS NOT the greatest country in the world” and have facts about Denmark and other democratic socialist countries ready to back it up
If you are a conservative talking to liberal family members:
- Walk in and immediately start chanting "DONALD TRUMP WON! DONALD TRUMP WON! ALL HAIL GOD EMPEROR TRUMP! TRUMP TRAIN HAS NO BRAKES!" No matter how kindly they ask you to stop, keep yelling “GET OVER IT LOSER CHOO CHOO MOTHER FUCKER”.
- Have the song “Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead” from the Wizard of Oz ready to play on your phone whenever someone mentions Hillary Clinton.
- Go ahead and print out a bunch of memes and articles from third party media sources beforehand to back up all your arguments
- ”Now you know how we felt for the past eight years!” is an acceptable response in any circumstance.
- ”Loudly assert that “America IS the greatest country in the world” because FREEDOM
Alright….so in all seriousness we hope you got a chuckle or two out of this, but you probably shouldn’t say any of these things to your family. Just relax, eat some food, have a few drinks, and enjoy your time together. Maybe bring up religion instead of politics, for once that might be a refreshing topic of conversation!